The Kebab on… The Sydney Jones Cafe

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It’s that time of the calendar when every student takes up the mantle of revision. On our minds sits a storm of horrific stress; we cannot help but unload the stats to passers-by in the library;

“Yeah, I got like THREE exams, all in the space of the week – so – it’s pretty shit”

“I got like a deadline of 7000 words and a THREE hour long exam – so – it’s pretty shit”

“I got like FIVE deadlines and a dead rat festering in my living room – so – it’s pretty shit”

“I’ve finished. I’m bored – so – it’s pretty shit”

But what better way to polish all these turdy feelings than with a nice big cafe?

this is the cafe from the outside, as approaching

The university library-people seem to have decided that bright plastic orange is going to be their colour, giving the space the veneer of a futuristic canteen that might just set off into space any second. There are also pencils on the wall to remind you that ‘work will set you free’.

But it’s nice. It has coffee, and a little hatch, which is just great. This means the cafe staff have to deal with people from both sides, making for a monumental logistical shit-storm of coffee. This coffee shop becomes the main hub, the first port of call for the average reviser. Those who strive to make a difference in their caffeine intake habits stroll to Nero, the cheap bastards go to EROS cafe in vine court and the true avant garde hipsters go to Chinese hot pot.

It’s Starbucks. Which we are not meant to be cool with as students. Rage against the chain. They probably kill dolphins in the process of coffee bean synthesis just because that level of suffering makes for an added bitterness in the coffee you just wouldn’t get otherwise. But they have reduced the price for students, and it is bloody lovely, The Kebab is in the most basic of moral dilemmas at the moment – comfort in knowing you’re wrong or discomfort and knowing you’re right. That sounds like the basis of capitalism versus socialism. (Yikes! – you wouldn’t get this sort of cutting-edge political analysis on The Tab would you?)

Therefore, after much deliberation, and awkward frustration as ONE PERSON is taking up A WHOLE SOFA, and you and the girls just, you know, wanna chat about how hard your essays are, I conclude the library a beautiful jewel of procrastination in the crown of the library, but lacks kebabs – 6/10.

 

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